Oodles of Noodles

…you stare politely right on through…

It doesn’t make a difference what you say. I just hope he doesn’t hurt himself, physically and emotionally. I don’t think they really know how I feel about it. I’m the one that has to make nice and be non-judgemental because there’s so much tension between them and my parents. I don’t even have a real opinion about it, I just accept it for what it is because I know that he doesn’t make his own decisions and I’m sure as heck not going to be the one giving him suggestions on what he should do because he might actually take my advice and then it would be my fault when things go wrong, not that they could get much worse for him. He’s trapped in what he feels like is his responsibility. Part of it is, but he doesn’t have to take on the full burden of the load while everyone else just sits back and enjoys his generosity. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, but most of the time I’m just proud of him. I know he thinks he’s a huge disappointment, but he will never know how much I admire him for the things he does. He knows that I’m here for him, but I don’t reinforce the fact enough. I miss what if feels like when the four of us are together, laughing and having fun, just being happy to be with one another.

Disneyland is a child’s dream vacation. I happen to live just south of it and I can attest to the fact that, even though I’m 23, it happens to be one of my dream vacations! Tomorrow I’m going to watch my cousin play her saxophone at Disneyland in the morning and then we have two park-hopper tickets that are going to be exploited to the fullest! I’m super excited! Seriously, I’m like 12-year-old-boy-who-just-got-their-hands-on-a-dirty-magazine excited.

Another thing: I watched a movie today and it made me do some serious thinking about what I’m doing with my life. I’m not talking about my job or my hobbies, or anything like that. I’m talking about each day as a segment. I think some people spend their whole lives waiting to figure out who they are and what they want to accomplish in life and they’re forgetting that none of that is defined until the day you die, each day is an accomplishment and you are a different person everyday. So, let people know who you are right now and make today your biggest accomplishment because the end might be sooner than you think.

Just a little taste: Imagine what it would be like to be a bisexual sexaholic, it’s like exactly the opposite of that.

I just get tired of being in one area for too long, a year or two. I hate moving though. I don’t like leaving behind my friends and familiar things, but the excitement of getting to know a new town is so much greater than the sadness of leaving the old stuff behind. Also, I get to start over and become a new person, fixing the things I didn’t like about myself before. So here we go again…

I thought twice before walking into the room. A great surge of energy made me take a step back when the door swung open. I stared at the vibrating door, waiting for it to fly open again, but it never did. The door was intimidating, but it was what was waiting inside that held me back. I can’t go in, I should just go home.

I looked in the bag. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was nosey! I just took a quick peek. I knew what was in there, but I was still a little surprised when I saw it. It was cute though, not gross or weird. He wouldn’t buy something gross or weird, not kinky either. I don’t think it was really for her to use more than it was just a cute souvenir, like a stuffed minnie mouse from Disneyland. She’s a lucky girl. He’s funny and quirky like no one I know. He said two things tonight that made me think though. First he said ” I don’t think you can love someone after two months, I think you have to know them for like a year.” I’m not sure if he really meant that or if he was just spitting out something to make him understand his relationship with her. I will say that there is a huge difference between love and lust, but I know you can be in love after two months; you can be in love after day one. I think you know in the first couple of weeks if this is a person you could/want to spend the rest of you life with or at least love. If it takes you a year to “love” someone then I don’t think that’s love at all, that’s settling for what has become comfortable to you. I think if you don’t love someone after a month or two that chances are you will never love them. Then when we were walking back to the car, talking about a friend, he said ” Soon the newness will wear off and they’ll just…” He didn’t finish his sentence out loud. I think he was searching for the words in his head when he peered into his bag for a second and started talking about something else. Then I kind of understood his first comment. I think he was searching his bag for the answer, but it was in his heart. How long has he been with her? Does he love her? Maybe they’re approaching that one year mark and he’s wondering when he can finally tell her he loves her or if he can. I don’t know her, but the gift kind of summed up their relationship for me. Not to mention that he never brought her up once the entire weekend and he talked about the newness of his friend’s relationship like he was jealous and wished his relationship was still in that stage. The stage where you can’t get enough of each other and you’re madly in love/lust. See, my problem is that I know that you can have a relationship where the “newness” never wears off. Perfection is out there, it’s just some people settle for what they have instead of waiting for what they deserve.

A buddy from college is in town right now and I had a lot of fun with he and his friend this weekend. We went out to some bars and did some fishing. Fishing would have been more fun if I hadn’t gotten sick and slept the entire time. When I finally got up and decided to suck it up and catch something, the captain gave us a ten minute warning to fish hard before heading back to the marina. Stuipid motion sickness. So I’m going to tell you about my vomit now. I suggest you stop reading here. So, I ate this grilled cheese and pickle sandwich on our way out to the fishing spot, it usually takes about an hour to get there, a mile off the coast of Point Loma. So there I am fishing away when it hits me. I really had to vomit. so I broke a major rule of the boat and went into the bathroom to puke. Almost immediately after leaning over the toilet I was violtently vomiting up my grilled cheese sandwich and Pepsi. I thought I had gotten it all out, so I went back out to fish some more. About ten minutes later I felt like I really had to vomit again, so I went back into the bathroom and bent over the toilet. After about five minutes of gaging, I finally puked up this pink, strawberry-tasting stuff. I don’t remember eating any pink strawberry stuff, but there it was in front of me; finally I had gotten it all out. Instead of continuing fishing, I decided it would be a good ideal to sit down in the galley and drink a 7up. Much to my dismay, the first sip of 7up made me immediately have to vomit and I went runnung back to the bathroom. Good thing it all made it into the toilet. this weird greenish stuff came spewing out of my mouth as soon as I laid my eyes on the toilet. What the heck was that? I was bad enough I couldn’t remember eating that fairly tasty pink stuff, but I know I definitely did not eat gooey green stuff. Thus ended the vomiting, but I still felt sick. The end. Chao.

Can you imagine if they would have put a bark “training” collar on Lassie? Timmy would have died in that well and Lassie wouldn’t be a hero, he’d just be another dog who was abandoned by his owner. My dad put those training collars on two of our dogs who bark uncontrolably at all hours of the day and night. We go two very different reactions from the dogs. Iowa, the larger of the two, has decided that the shock is just a coincidence and stupidly keeps barking. On the other hand, Montana was quick to realize that barking caused the shock and has now reverted to crying and whining. As sad as that sounds, he learned very quickly and the collar gets a thumbs up for that, but then I think back to Iowa and my thumb flips the other way. Dumb ass dog.

I went over to my aunt’s house today because my mom is in Seattle and they had food. For the past 2 days I have been living on sugar free candy (hahaah!) and Amp energy drinks. So I’m probably going to have a heart attack soon. I had to take up drinking excessive amounts of Amp to keep from going to Starbucks, one addiction to the next. I’m probably going to give in today because, as sad as it sounds, I miss the guy that makes my coffee.

So here goes. I’m seriously thinking about adoption, I don’t mean a dog either. Even if I’m single and very young, it’s something that I really want to do. Silly, right? No! In no way is that silly! Females my age are building families and careers, while I’m just building sand castles down at Pacific Beach. I don’t necessarily feel the need to get married and stuff like that, but I do want to have kids and help kids that have been abandoned or orphaned. I mean, who better than me? I have the time and resources. Are you kidding me?! Who in their right mind would let me raise a child! I really want to though. I think my goal right now is to get my parents to adopt so that it’s not all on me, plus they have experience doing that sort of thin and I could just watch and learn. And I want it to be a kid from the USA. Not that I have anything against international adoption, but there are plenty of kids in our own country that need good homes.