Filed under: Random Thought
Our world will never see peace. If you think that we will, put down the joint and sober up because it’s not going to happen. That is all.
Filed under: Random Thought
It took me about ten minutes to pull myself together enough to lay down and go to bed. I prayed to God that I would never in my life feel that way again. I couldn’t even go back and edit that last post, so excuse the poor sentence composition and spelling. I don’t want to go back and read it. So now I’m on my way to meet my dad for dinner and everything is ok again. Well, it’s ok enough to get me through tonight. I just don’t know what I’m doing right now. I feel like it’s time to pick up and move again, that’s bad cuz it’s only been 6 months. Imagine that, I’m ready to bail on my own life again. I just keep thinking that tomorrow I’ll figure it out.
Filed under: Uncategorized
It took me a second to catch myself mouthing the words as I waited for my coffee. “It’s not that we’re scared, it’s just that it’s delicate.” My eyes started to well up and I wasn’t sure why. Then I leaned my head against the window in Starbucks and it came rushing back. A year ago, if I were listening to this song that would mean I was on a bus back to my site in Peru. I stood there for a moment in a daze, finally realizing I’d been staring at my coffee that was ready on the counter for nearly a minute as the song played. I cried to that song for nearly 5 months straight. It wasn’t even just that song, it was the whole album and it would play twice before I fell asleep and I would cry until I was asleep, then I would be woken up and back to that place, that place I hated. And I’m crying now, uncontrollably.
Filed under: Random Thought
I don’t want what I want to want. I want to want, long for, but I don’t. I’ve tried to force it and wait for it, but still nothing. It’s ok with me though because I don’t want it. You want me to have it, but I think I’m better off without it. For some reason I still want to want it, even though I don’t want it. I don’t want to need someone to make me feel whole. I don’t want to value someone more than I value myself and my own opinions and ideas. I don’t want to need someone to support me through thick and thin. I want to be strong enough to get myself through tough times. I don’t want someone to need me to make them feel complete. I don’t want to be someone’s crutch. I don’t want to not want kids. I don’t want to feel bad for not wanting what I feel like I should want. I don’t want what you want and have. I want everything, anything, else.
Filed under: Random Thought
You don’t know me. You think you do, but you’re clearly wrong. They know me, he knows me, she knows me, and she definitely knows me, but you just characterize me. I told you who I am, but you formed your own opinion. I lie to you. I make up stories because you get excited over them. I lie to you about where I’ve been, who I was with, and what we were and weren’t doing. I don’t really like you, I just keep you around to boost my ego. Can you guess who you are?
