Oodles of Noodles

Day after day it rains, it pours. Then it sleets, it snows, it melts and freezes to ice. Early to rise, it’s 3:30. I can’t get back to sleep, I shouldn’t get back to sleep. I rise and MSNBC fills the room: oil’s down, Google’s up, Merril is another story. The tea kettle whistles and I make a cup of instant latte. There’s nothing tasty about it, but it gets the job done. My closet chews me up, then spits me out the front door. After an hour long commute, I take a walk through the parking lot before climing into the comfy chair of my office. It better be comfy, I’m going to be camped out there for the next 8 to 11 hours. My job takes it’s toll on me, then I leave it behind and make that same commute home, only it takes half as long because traffic has calmed. I walk my dog, have a cup of tea while taking a second to study, then I melt into my mattress. Tomorrow will be the same, but not for long. It’s temporary, much like the rest of my life.

And that’s why we make a good you and me.

What comes out of his mouth is always a surprise. You know how some people are predictably funny? Before they even say a word you know what track their mind is on. You know, that one track. He’s not like that, he’s diversely funny. He can be gross-funny, goofy-funny, sarcastic-funny, discretly funny; You never know where his head is.

The big surprise came when he asked me to go to Dallas with him for a training group hosted by one of our clients. I was shocked, but quickly and calmly agreed to attend. He said it would be just the two of us for seven days. I was beyond ecstatic. I couldn’t stop thinking of how to finally “seal the deal” on this trip. I bought new clothes and lingerie, new make-up and perfume. This was my chance to hook ‘em and reel ‘em in. I was literally going crazy. I called my best friend, two days prior to leaving, and hashed out a plan with her. She thought I was insane and called me a homewrecker countless times, but I just kept thinking of how I was going to finally make him mine. I was dillusional and starting to freak myself out.

When it finally came down to it, I couldn’t do it. We were alone for an entire week, but didn’t have the guts to make a move even one time. I think that in the back of my mind I was the shame I knew I would feel if I actually succeeded and tore his family apart to get what I wanted. It wasn’t even what I wanted anymore, it was what I needed so very badly.

And big girls don’t cry…

No cell phone service? No hard line, no internet, no nothing… What the heck am I going to do for the next three days? Hmmmm…I could hang out, take a nap in a hammock, go fishing, build a fire, take a hike, play fetch w/my dog, drink some beer, go swimming, play horseshoes, play foosball, play pool, sing on the stage, read, mellow out, lay in the grass and think, fly a kite, walk around the lake, go out in a canoe or paddle boat, introduce myself to new people, the list goes on and on. It turned out there was a lot to do. It was great. It was the first time since I left Peru that I felt like I didn’t have somewhere to be or someone to crosscheck schedules with. I didn’t have any plans to do anything. The best part was that I got to hang out with my favorite uncle and just get to know him better. Turns out he’s exactly who I always thought he was. That’s good to know because that’s exactly why he’s my fave. My batteries are officially recharged and I’m ready for the work week. Chao for now…

So you thought you could get away with it. You covered all of your bases. They both thought they were the only one. They both found out they weren’t. You could have gotten away with it for a lot longer, but you let them both know where you live. They both showed up after work with a bag of groceries to cook you dinner because you got sick. Sweet. They were both so sweet and so understanding. They were so understanding when you had to work late or made plans for a girl’s night, but were actually hanging out with the other. Now look at you. You’re sick and you have no one to clean up the bags of groceries spilled on the floor, forget about someone to cook the food that was in them. Two days go by. You start to feel better, no more sniffles. One calls. You say you’re sorry, you should have mentioned the other. He wants to have dinner. Hold on, someone’s beeping in on the other line. Two calls. He wants to have dinner. You’re speechless. Two dates, one night. Good excuse: You’re still a little under the weather, you don’t have much of an appetie and eat two light dinners. Let’s do this again next Friday. Let’s do this again next Friday. One night, two dates. I think I might have to work late, I think I made plans for a girl’s night out…

Is it common to not know your home telephone number? I haven’t know the phone number to the last six places I’ve lived. Over the past 12 months I’ve moved 6 times. That’s quite uncommon, but what’s even more uncommon is that I never even tried to memorize the phone number to my house. I never even stored it into my cell phone so that I would have it handy to call, just in case something happened. Why is that? I think it is definitely because cell phones are the main mode of communication these days. No one only uses a land line for communication, or are there actually people out there who still use land lines as their primary line? Even business cards list a land line and a cell phone number now. Everyone is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week due to cell phones. Just ask my dad. His job requires him to have a cell phone so that he can be accessed at any moment. Not only does he have a cell phone, he has a BlackBerry so that he can check his email every 5 minutes. It’s crazy how technology keeps us so connected these days, or are we too connected? Is it too much when people actually have to go to therapy because they are addicted to their BlackBerry? Trust me, it has come up a couple of times in my therapy sessions. I don’t think I’m as obsessed as other people, plus I have recently traded in my BlackBerry for an MDA. I really miss my BlackBerry, but the MDA is so much better. It has so many more features, in addition to the BlackBerry features, to keep you connected. So back to my point: I guess what I’m trying to figure out is why I feel weird about not knowing my own phone number, but I do know the number to my MDA and I guess that’s really all that counts. Seriously, who’s going to call my home phone besides telemarketers and my grandma anyways?

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Go to sleep. Just do it. Sleep. Nothing. Nothing. Don’t think about anything. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep…563 sheep, 564 sheep. Stop it! Just relax. Don’t think about anything. Just sleep. Sleeeeeeeep. Deep breath in, hold it, release. Deep breath in, hold it, release. Just pretend you’re in the middle of a meeting, that seems to be your favorite place to sleep. No, just sleep. Look at Rado, he’s sleeping. He’s in puppy dream world and you’re thinking about sheep. Sheep. One sheep, two sheep…Fuck! Stop it! Just sleep…Sleep…I really need to go to Ikea tomorrow, they’re going to run out of those recycling bins. Then I have to walk Rado for longer than how ever long it takes to walk around the block once. I can do that as a warm up before I go to the gym. 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, 20 on the bike, then hit the weights…Don’t forget your lock. Crap! Cut it out…Just fuckin’ go to sleep! Maybe I should write that stuff down so I don’t forget…No, SLEEP. Just sleep, worry about that stuff in the morning. Gosh, morning…What am I going to eat for breakfast, I forgot to buy milk and cream cheese…Fuck. Go to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Relax. Just sleep. Sleep. Relax. Deep breath. Just breathe. Breathe. Relax. You can do it. Just sleep. Da da da da, da da da da, take a look at my G ride…Hahaha Boy Toy Jesse is so funny. Hahaha. I should set an alarm so I can get up and listen to the Playhouse while I clean my room…Crap, fuckin’ go to SLEEP! How are going to wake up to your alarm if you never actually fall asleep? Dumbass, go to bed. Sleep. Just pretend you’re at mass, you don’t seem to have a problem sleeping while the priest is speaking. Sleep. Sleep. I have too much to do to be tired tomorrow. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep…Well, it’s almost 5:30. Maybe I should just get up and clean my room. I can clean my room and walk Rado before I go to the gym at 8. Crap. Just 30 minutes…the brain only needs 15 miutes of rest a day. If I sleep for 30 then I have today covered and can make up that 15 I missed out on yesterday. Can you really catch up on sleep though. I think that’s just a saying. Ok, set alarm for 7, but if you’re still up at 6 then get out of bed and clean your room. Shit, now it’s 5:45…Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Come on, just 15 minutes to fall asleep. You can do it. Just clear your head. Sleep. Sleep. Clear head. Nothingness. Nothing. Clear. Relax. Sleep. May as well get up, only 5 minutes left until 6. Just get up. I can try for a nap before lunch…Ha.

Yesterday at 2:45 I landed in San Diego. I’m finally home. Scared, jobless, pennyless, but happier than I’ve been in a long time. It’s a relief to be home with my dog and family. Now I just need to get a job! Whoo hoo! I know this might sound stupid, but I really am excited about having a normal 9-5 job for at least a little while. I need about 20,000 bucks to start up my bar, so I have to work a steady job until I have that money. We’ll see how long this takes!

Do you think it would be stupid to move to Boston just because Augustana makes it sound so good in the song? I really think I need to make a huge change in my life though. I wasn’t happy where I was in the US and I wasn’t happy abroad, so now what? Maybe I’m an east coaster at heart? I do like the military surplus look…